When I found out you were coming I think I experienced what all brand new mothers-to-be experience…joy, fear, happiness, fear, excitement, fear, and the need to test again. 🙂 Because of our journey with infertility, I had been tracking everything about me so I knew this day I would either test positive or start my period. I was nervous to test but needed to know because I had promised Zak and Maddie that we would go swimming that day and wanted to be prepared.
I woke up around 6:00 AM and knew I should test with the first morning’s potty break (little did I know how much time I would be spending with the potty). I tested and put in my contacts for the day. That was enough time for the test to turn positive! Again, I was in shock and overwhelmed that our journey together started right then. I wanted to run and tell Mike until I remembered he wasn’t in bed…he wasn’t even home…or even in the state…or the country. Mike was in Canada! I decided not to call him and tell him because I wanted to see his reaction in person. And did I mention I was in shock and didn’t fully believe this was reality, let alone my reality.
Dealing with infertility has taught me a lot (that’s an understatement) but I knew that you can get false positives so I decided I needed another, more expensive test before I would believe it. I decided to do what I imagine other women in my position have done…I went back to bed and googled, “First things to do when you find out your pregnant”. Oh, and I told Boston he was going to be a big brother–he was pretty excited about the news. 🙂
The kids got up and we made breakfast like we always do on Saturdays and then prepared to go swimming. Not noteworthy but Zak had been given two pairs of goggles to use and we broke the strap on both pairs when fitting them to his head. So we went to Target to see if we could find some in October. I wanted so badly to pick up some pregnancy tests but the desire was diminished when I realized I didn’t want to explain to them why I needed them. 🙂
Target was a bust so we headed to a sporting goods store and found him a pair. Then headed to visit Nicole at work prior to heading to the pool. I felt giddy–like I knew a secret no one did. Long story short–we went swimming and it was really fun. But then I needed to ditch the kids to go to back to Target for the essentials.
The essentials included (what I deemed) fancy pregnancy tests and a onesie. I decided that’s how I would tell Mike. I found something somewhat gender neutral and it got the message across that I wanted–but I still had to wait another 36 something hours before I’d even see him to tell him. Oh, and I went home and immediately took the test. It read clear as day –pregnant!
Mike was flying home on Sunday and I had a meeting I had to attend so his parents picked him up. But we didn’t have any alone time until late that night. He came home bearing all sorts of goodies and gifts for everyone. Eventually we got the kids to bed and we were getting ready for bed and I was so nervous!
Earlier in the week, I had been incredibly grouchy and figured this must be what PMS feels like. Since I don’t have regular or even semi-regular periods I’ve never had PMS before. I told Mike that I felt badly about my behavior and wanted to apologize. I even had a peace offering from Boston and I. I had wrapped up the positive test in the onesie–I was so sure I was going to knock it out of the ballpark with my reveal. However, it was a total Pintrest fail!
Mike opens up the gift and I’m sporting some stupid/giddy smile. The test rolls out of the onesie which he is holding up and reading, “Nap Like a Boss”. (A little explanation–we call our dog Boss and if he isn’t running around like a maniac, he is sleeping.) He looks at me with a smirk on his face and says, “Babe, are you pregnant?” And I’m shocked that he can’t read the test which clearly reads positive–afterall it’s partly why I bought the fancy, digital test because I didn’t think he’d understand what all the lines on the other test meant.
I shook my head yes and told him to look at the test. And guess what…it was BLANK! Completely blank! Haha and now I understood his confusion. Apparently the test only displays for 24 hours or so. But the message was clear even if the test wasn’t and he was really excited!
(This was taken the next morning with the redo test.)
So little baby, as scared and nervous as I am, I can not wait to meet you in person! You probably will never understand the yearning in my heart as I’ve waited and wanted you to come. I wasn’t always sure you’d come but I couldn’t be more thrilled to learn you’re coming. I love you already! I hope you have your daddy’s eyes. I hope to teach you your true identity and worth. I hope I make you proud. I hope and dream and pray for so many things but for right now, I hope you make it here safely. Your mom and dad already love you more than we can express. Oh, and I hope you’re ready to run lots of miles with me! 🙂